Monday, February 18, 2008

The Panties to Scanties Dilemma ©

An Original Tale by Bill Longworth
First public reading, Valentines Day, Thursday, February 14, 2008

Looking up from my newspaper and breakfast coffee, I questioned “Who was that on the phone Cuddle-muffin?” as I thought of the pair of red thong frillies I’d recently found at the bottom of her drawer…quite a change from the cottons she normally wore as I mentally recalled my recent suggestions that she get in the groove with some modern lingerie styles.

“Just a friend from my last job dear. She wanted to catch me up on all of the changes with the plant…you know, downsizing and all.”

“Well you certainly didn’t say much. She must be quite a talker,” as I thought of the new hair style and perfume she’d recently acquired.

“We seem to be getting quite a few of these strange calls recently. Quite often when I answer the phone, I’m told it must be the wrong number…or the caller just hangs up. Something seems to be going on. You seem to be rather secretive lately,” a rising and uncontrollable tenseness growing in my voice. “All those strange telephone calls you make when nothing important seems to be said. When there’s no purpose for your call…you seem to be hiding something from me!”

“Going on?” she screamed indignantly, uncustomarily raising her voice. “I think there is something going on! What are you doing with the red thong underwear I found in your toolbox?”

“Well today’s Valentines Day, Zelda, and I was going to give them to you at bedtime tonight…you know to sort of celebrate the special occasion like we used to many years ago.”

“Oh, Pussycat! Today’s also your birthday and I bought this wonderful pair of red thongs just to wear for you tonight.”

“Oh my wonderful Cuddle-muffin, and I was just beginning to think that with all those strange phone calls, there might be a problem creeping into our marriage.”

“The phone calls? Those are from all our friends discussing details of your surprise birthday party that we’re having Saturday night. Now you’ve spoiled the fun!”

“Spoiled the fun, my dear….it’s just beginning. Let’s go upstairs and try on the new stuff. “

The moral of the story? The transition from panties to scanties is problematic! Like your favourite dessert, the pleasure should be consumed immediately.

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